Facin' backwards might cause you to slip...

I bought a laptop yesterday. Another thing to cross off my list. It's a Compaq, nothing too special. I think it has a little over 200 gbs, and seems pretty easy to use. I can't believe that it took me this long to "cross over" to the non-desktop side. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere close to retiring this computer. Minus a few freezing issues here and there it still works like the day I bought it two and half years ago. But now with this laptop, I can start putting things on it and getting it set up for travel. My parents want me to get a PC card from Verizon, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to shell out an extra $40 a month, even though it might be worth it while on the road. But I am excited with my purchase and what it means for this trip, and what it means for this blog!

Car, camera, video camera, iPod, cellphone, laptop...I got all the big purchases out of the way, for now. I would say that's pretty damn good! Now all I really have to do is shop around for some random memberships, maybe buy a National Parks Pass - it's only $80 and gets you access to all the parks around the US. I need to get some camping supplies too. I don't know if I will camp, not sure how I feel about doing that alone. I've spent many hours researching this trip and that is the only thing I'm concerned about. I can't wait to try out a hostel and do some car-camping, but actually pitching a tent is kind of bombarding to me right now. Most solo road trippers recommend it though, even as solo woman, but we'll see. And naturally, my mother is beside herself....

Now that I've had the talk with my boss, I've been telling people my plans. Most of them are positive about it. They say that I definitely should do this because I'll look back with regrets if I don't. Of course there are some naysayers (not many) who don't understand how I can basically quit my job without a back-up plan. "No, but what are you going to do?!?!" And I really don't have an answer for that, honestly. Maybe it's a little jealousy seeping out when they say that, but I know that's just practicallity speaking. Oh well. That's what I do. I don't have back-up plans. I didn't when I applied to college convinced that it was UMASS or bust. I sure didn't when I graduated college, I didn't when I left Key West, I didn't when I walked out of the job in Middleboro. So what would make this any different? Maybe I like the randomness. I mean, why else would I be doing what I'm doing?

Well, that's enough for tonight. More to come later...

Oh dream maker, you heart breaker...

I had "the talk" with my boss today. All day I fretted about it. My stomach turned. At one point I felt like I was going to throw up. No, I'm not lying. It really made me sick. At 3:00 today, I talked to Joe, a man that I respect not only professionally, but also personally. He has been there to help me out when I didn't think I had any other options. I went away to live in Key West for 10 months and he never took me off payroll because he somehow knew I would be back. He gave me extra hours when any other manager would have brushed me aside and respected my opinions and suggestions. He stuck up for me and always had my back. He made me feel like I was needed, like I was seriously a part of something. He never gave up on me, and I know he never will. No matter where I am in life, I know that Joe will always be the person that I can count on for a reference or a good word. And I have so much respect for him that it's not even funny. So going into today's meeting, I was nervous as all hell...as I should have been...

And surprisingly, I stood up for myself. I said EVERYTHING that I wanted to say. I looked him in the eye and my voice barely warbled. That is a success right there for me. I don't know what came over me when I was in his office, but this wave of confidence just brushed over me and I felt like I could say anything. These past three winters have been horrible. Working in Plymouth at Mamma Mia's sucked, but I got over it. Working at Kinsale Inn was great, money-wise, but not emotionally-wise. And last winter...I just can't even touch upon how horrible it was. Cranebrook was the worst place I have ever worked. And I loved the people I worked with, for the most part, and the food, and even then it still fucking sucked. I wanted to quit at least 4 times, and couldn't because of the club. And not having enough money to pay my bills was a horrible feeling. It's not fair for me to have to keep a job that I can barely work 20 hours a week and expect it to still be my main job. I bought a car in 2007 when I was at Kinsale because I was making good money at that time, and somehow that backfired in my face. But I got through it. I still think about how I worked at the Courtyard in Middleboro and walked out one night. I will tell you, nothing is ever so liberating as quitting as a job, but I would never want to do it again. FTP.

Today was scary. For some reason I thought that Joe would hate me. That he would completely be "WTF?!?! Why are you doing this?!?!" But he was the complete opposite. I told him how I can't do another winter around here. It's not fair to me. Though as much as I try not to think of the BYC as a summer job, that is what it is and what it will always be. I will never be able to have a full-time position there. I'm as far as I can go before taking the general manager title. But even then, it wouldn't be my ideal job because I like being down on the floor with the members, interacting with them, joking with them, laughing with them, making fun of them and being sarcastic, pouring them a drink and talking about the weather. I really do love the members of the BYC (minus a few assholes). I love waking up and going to work. That's me. I could never sit in an office. At least that's one thing I know I will never be able to do. I went to school for Hospitality and Tourism, and maybe someday that will become a permanent fixture in my life, but right now I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And as I told Joe today, I don't think I ever will.

I basically said to Joe that I can't work at the yacht club this winter. I said that I will work there as long as he can keep me on salary. To which he replied that he would like to see me work though the middle of October. I'm okay with that if we can make it work. I do have UMASS Homecoming the 17th and I feel the need to be there, especially since this year they are ground-breaking for a new Band Building. If Joe can comfortably keep me at the BYC through then, then obviously I will oblige him. I owe it to the club. I owe it to Joe. I have way too much respect for the BYC and way too much respect for him.

So what am I to do? Seriously, I don't know. Travel, I suppose. I have so many family members and maybe some friends around the USA that I want to visit. I know for certain that I have to be in Arizona in January for Stevie P's wedding (which is going to be kick-ass and amazing). Who's to stop me from going to Oregon to visit my aunt and uncle after that? And maybe Alaska after that? I would love to travel back to Key West. I would love to visit my aunt in Nebraska. I would love to hang out in New Orleans for a little while. I would love to spend some time on Route 66. I would absolutely die to go to the Grand Ole Opry and all that music history stuff in Tennessee. And maybe Pennsylvania would be a good option for a few days. I know that I have enough money to survive comfortably for a couple months. I also am pretty satified with my credit card debt and how much I have somehow managed to pay off since the spring. And I know that my parents back me up to some point. I have to work on them a little bit, but I think now that I have FINALLY had the talk with Joe, they will be much more supportive.

Ever since I was in high school I have dreamed of doing a road trip. Originally it was supposed to be me and my cousin, Jared. That was supposed to happen sometime in college, but clearly it never did. And ever since then, I have carefully been keeping a plan and keeping score of what I've been doing in order to plan for this road trip. I've had a checklist for the past two years, and I've completed most of it. Ultimately, I'd love to visit every state that I've never been to. I've been obsessed with Route 66 since college and I'm hoping that my desire to drive on the road will lead me there this winter. I don't really know what I want to do. I don't think I'll ever know. But right now, as off August 24th, I know that I plan to travel this great country and see what's going on.

A wise man once told me, " Even if you don't have the money....TRAVEL." He told me to just do it and worry about the consequences later. And I fully believe, with all my heart, that that is the advice that I am meant to take. It's scary. but it's what I want to do. At least I know that I will never regret this decision.

A solo road trip. Here I come. Now that I know it's officially going to happen, I have a few preperations to do. I need to buy a laptop, but I'm going to do that this week. I think I can get one for under $500, maybe a little more. I need to start looking for places to stay along the way. I need to get in touch with some family members that I haven't talked to in a while. I need to find some safe campgrounds, some safe hostels that I would be willing to stay at.

This is going to be an experience. And honestly, this is why I started this blog. I want to document my every movement on this thing. I want the world to see who I am. I want people who have judged me to see that I mean business and that I'm not still the same girl I was in high school.

So, let's do it. October 17th, the "tentative" last day at the BYC. I'm scared, but I am ready!

Dogs were whistling a new tune...

Tomorrow is the day that I finally sit down and talk to my boss, face-to-face, about my off-season plans. I've been putting this off for weeks, months, and truthfully, even a year. Now that I know it's in less then 15 hours, my stomach is already turning.

I've always had problems standing up for myself, always had problems talking to people especially about personal problems. Well, tomorrow is not the day to chicken out. Tomorrow is the day to stand my ground. To not make myself look stupid. To show my boss how this is going to work. And all I can hope for is that he is behind my decision. All I can hope for is that he respects my decision, no matter how stupid it may sound.

I know I'm kind of being vague about what I'm doing, but it's only fair that I not discuss anything until I fully know that I am able to talk about it. Obviously I've discussed "the big plan" with a few people and most of my fellow employees know I have some sort of trick up my sleeve, but even with them it's been a pretty open-ended question.

All I know is that I am 26 years old. I am not getting any younger. I have things I want to do with my life. I may not fully know what these things are yet, but I'm hoping that one day I do. Because my 18-year old self would be pretty pissed off at the present me if we were to meet. So I've got to fix that.

I will be sure to write about EVERYTHING as soon as I have the official talk tomorrow. Wish me luck. I keep telling myself that I know what I'm going to say, don't screw up, and keep it together. I don't know what to expect, but if I go in expecting nothing then I won't be disappointed I suppose...AHHH! This it!

Party In the USA!

I think it's safe to say that the Livejournal has officially been retired. I haven't had the motivation to write in it for months, mainly because I don't think anyone actually uses that site anymore. And....because I'm lazy. But the truth is, I miss writing. A LOT. And I shouldn't use the excuse that no one wants to read what I write because I should be doing it for myself.....but nice comments are always welcome for the 'ole self esteem! :)

So, I'm back. With a new blog. Though anyone who wants to see what my Livejournal was all about, here's the link: http://you-need-a-hug6.livejournal.com/ I used it throughout my junior and senior year of college and basically documented my whole life when I lived in Key West for 10 months. But once I moved back home, the entries became pretty sparse in between and then they just stopped. There are some really good entries in there that I'm very proud of, however. Many people have told me that I'm a fun read, a good writer, but I don't know....I just feel it's necessary to start writing again. And I would like to thank Kelly for "inspiring" me to start up again. Now you have something to read at work!

I'm not really sure what I plan on doing here...probably some general bitching and whining, maybe a movie or concert review here or there. But what I really hope to do with this it to make it into a travel blog (when the time comes, of course). More to come on that later...

It's 1:40 in the morning as I write, but I've come to realize that I do my best dreaming and scheming in the late night hours. I may have to get up for work in a few hours, but sometimes a few extra yawns is worth it, in the long run.

I know I could fill up some more paragraphs tonight, but I think I will bid adieu for now. I'm excited for this blog and to write again. And who knows? Maybe people will actually read it!