Oh dream maker, you heart breaker...

I had "the talk" with my boss today. All day I fretted about it. My stomach turned. At one point I felt like I was going to throw up. No, I'm not lying. It really made me sick. At 3:00 today, I talked to Joe, a man that I respect not only professionally, but also personally. He has been there to help me out when I didn't think I had any other options. I went away to live in Key West for 10 months and he never took me off payroll because he somehow knew I would be back. He gave me extra hours when any other manager would have brushed me aside and respected my opinions and suggestions. He stuck up for me and always had my back. He made me feel like I was needed, like I was seriously a part of something. He never gave up on me, and I know he never will. No matter where I am in life, I know that Joe will always be the person that I can count on for a reference or a good word. And I have so much respect for him that it's not even funny. So going into today's meeting, I was nervous as all hell...as I should have been...

And surprisingly, I stood up for myself. I said EVERYTHING that I wanted to say. I looked him in the eye and my voice barely warbled. That is a success right there for me. I don't know what came over me when I was in his office, but this wave of confidence just brushed over me and I felt like I could say anything. These past three winters have been horrible. Working in Plymouth at Mamma Mia's sucked, but I got over it. Working at Kinsale Inn was great, money-wise, but not emotionally-wise. And last winter...I just can't even touch upon how horrible it was. Cranebrook was the worst place I have ever worked. And I loved the people I worked with, for the most part, and the food, and even then it still fucking sucked. I wanted to quit at least 4 times, and couldn't because of the club. And not having enough money to pay my bills was a horrible feeling. It's not fair for me to have to keep a job that I can barely work 20 hours a week and expect it to still be my main job. I bought a car in 2007 when I was at Kinsale because I was making good money at that time, and somehow that backfired in my face. But I got through it. I still think about how I worked at the Courtyard in Middleboro and walked out one night. I will tell you, nothing is ever so liberating as quitting as a job, but I would never want to do it again. FTP.

Today was scary. For some reason I thought that Joe would hate me. That he would completely be "WTF?!?! Why are you doing this?!?!" But he was the complete opposite. I told him how I can't do another winter around here. It's not fair to me. Though as much as I try not to think of the BYC as a summer job, that is what it is and what it will always be. I will never be able to have a full-time position there. I'm as far as I can go before taking the general manager title. But even then, it wouldn't be my ideal job because I like being down on the floor with the members, interacting with them, joking with them, laughing with them, making fun of them and being sarcastic, pouring them a drink and talking about the weather. I really do love the members of the BYC (minus a few assholes). I love waking up and going to work. That's me. I could never sit in an office. At least that's one thing I know I will never be able to do. I went to school for Hospitality and Tourism, and maybe someday that will become a permanent fixture in my life, but right now I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And as I told Joe today, I don't think I ever will.

I basically said to Joe that I can't work at the yacht club this winter. I said that I will work there as long as he can keep me on salary. To which he replied that he would like to see me work though the middle of October. I'm okay with that if we can make it work. I do have UMASS Homecoming the 17th and I feel the need to be there, especially since this year they are ground-breaking for a new Band Building. If Joe can comfortably keep me at the BYC through then, then obviously I will oblige him. I owe it to the club. I owe it to Joe. I have way too much respect for the BYC and way too much respect for him.

So what am I to do? Seriously, I don't know. Travel, I suppose. I have so many family members and maybe some friends around the USA that I want to visit. I know for certain that I have to be in Arizona in January for Stevie P's wedding (which is going to be kick-ass and amazing). Who's to stop me from going to Oregon to visit my aunt and uncle after that? And maybe Alaska after that? I would love to travel back to Key West. I would love to visit my aunt in Nebraska. I would love to hang out in New Orleans for a little while. I would love to spend some time on Route 66. I would absolutely die to go to the Grand Ole Opry and all that music history stuff in Tennessee. And maybe Pennsylvania would be a good option for a few days. I know that I have enough money to survive comfortably for a couple months. I also am pretty satified with my credit card debt and how much I have somehow managed to pay off since the spring. And I know that my parents back me up to some point. I have to work on them a little bit, but I think now that I have FINALLY had the talk with Joe, they will be much more supportive.

Ever since I was in high school I have dreamed of doing a road trip. Originally it was supposed to be me and my cousin, Jared. That was supposed to happen sometime in college, but clearly it never did. And ever since then, I have carefully been keeping a plan and keeping score of what I've been doing in order to plan for this road trip. I've had a checklist for the past two years, and I've completed most of it. Ultimately, I'd love to visit every state that I've never been to. I've been obsessed with Route 66 since college and I'm hoping that my desire to drive on the road will lead me there this winter. I don't really know what I want to do. I don't think I'll ever know. But right now, as off August 24th, I know that I plan to travel this great country and see what's going on.

A wise man once told me, " Even if you don't have the money....TRAVEL." He told me to just do it and worry about the consequences later. And I fully believe, with all my heart, that that is the advice that I am meant to take. It's scary. but it's what I want to do. At least I know that I will never regret this decision.

A solo road trip. Here I come. Now that I know it's officially going to happen, I have a few preperations to do. I need to buy a laptop, but I'm going to do that this week. I think I can get one for under $500, maybe a little more. I need to start looking for places to stay along the way. I need to get in touch with some family members that I haven't talked to in a while. I need to find some safe campgrounds, some safe hostels that I would be willing to stay at.

This is going to be an experience. And honestly, this is why I started this blog. I want to document my every movement on this thing. I want the world to see who I am. I want people who have judged me to see that I mean business and that I'm not still the same girl I was in high school.

So, let's do it. October 17th, the "tentative" last day at the BYC. I'm scared, but I am ready!